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How To Decode A Woman

I am tired of seeing all of these self help guides from the sex in the city experts who feel that men can be trained, brainwashed, and made into the perfect being. This is not and will not happen. When a boy hits age 3, that is his personality for the rest of his life. So moms, get on raising a good man as soon as possible. If the boy is funny, calm, polite, patient and happy by age 3 then moms, you managed to change a man.

 

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Fortunately or unfortunately, women are not the same way. They change their character constantly during the day. From aggressive business lady at the office to ignorant ditz on the side of the road flirting with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket, women can got from a full 360 at any moment. So what a man to do? Train, manipulate, educate, dream? Hell no! We fell for the woman for some reason or another. How do we keep ourselves from getting pulled into this shit cyclone that is an hour long conversation about how we fucked up? By understanding these cardinal rules that every woman every born has represented. Women, keep reading, you will be surprised at how accurate, realistic and un-sexiest I really am 

Rule 1) Tell a woman she is pretty. They love that! Everyday in their existence from age 12 up the goal of a gal is to be prettier then the next. 9/10 they aren't even trying to impress any guys. It's bizarre but true. If a gal could be reassured that you think she is pretty, she is like putty in your hands. Plain and simple

Rule 2) She's going to bitch about being cold. Poor circulation, iduno, I'm not a doctor. Women are ALWAYS COLD. I don't get it. I remember one time I was near hypothermic and I still continued watching the hockey game. All shivering like a bastard

Rule 3) When you are walking together at the mall or in the grocery store, and especially if you are having a conversation while walking, she will stop without notice and make a B-line to something that caught her eye and leave you to continue walking without notice. You look like an idiot holder her purse while you are talking to the wall. Lovely.

 

 

Rule 4) She's going to cost you money. See that bank account. It's getting smaller and smaller. Not necessarily because it's a joint account, but its because of all the gas you spend driving to her around or that perfect ring she wanted, or that romantic weekend alone. Holy shit.

 

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Rule 5) She is going to make you late. This one is unreal. I was once late for my friends wedding because she couldn't get her shit together. I literally walked into the church with the wedding party and took my seat. 1 o'clock does not mean 1:45.

 

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So gents, this is my wisdom passed on to you. It took me years of searching to find out these secrets and this humble knowledge is gold. It's like that garage sale found instruction manual for your grandpas old boat that you have been fugeing with for the past while. Knowledge is power.

 

Ladies, it's not too late to change. If you expect your man too, why can't you?

 

 

 

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