Tales of the Desperate Amateurs By Yariana

Tales of the Desperate Amateurs

By Yariana

 

 

So there I was, nervous as hell. I was picking up my first couple to film. I had no idea what I was doing. I just knew that I had had it with asshole bosses. I also had no illusions about being an expert in something as taboo as filming porn.

 

She was not as pretty as the picture that she had sent me. It would not be the last time that this would happen. I picked them up in front of their trailer. She had been pretty once. You could tell that life had been really hard on her.

 

How had she found me? Oh yes. My early forms of recruitment were business cards printed on my computer. I used to stick them on phone booths. I had no money for advertising. I had to scrape together the cash to pay for my very first shoot. The guy that was with her had seen better days. He looked like a biker without a bike. He had to have been in his mid 40s.

 

I had spent the previous two weeks getting my film studio ready. Ok, it was a dining room with a fresh coat of paint and all of the furniture shoved into the living room. Ah yes. Let's not forget about my high tech equipment at the time. Armed with a cheap Wal-Mart special camera shop lights from Home Depot, which on film give off a yellowish glow that make everyone look like they have a case of jaundice.

With paperwork signed and ID.s verified. We were ready to begin. Her stage name was Hope. I don't remember his. This is going to happen I thought to myself. I was stressed and excited. My camera man J and I were ready to capture the movie magic.

 

So her top comes off and gets down on her knees in front of him. Cool, I'm finally filming my very first porn! I can finally quit my dead end job and tell my abusive boss to f#ck off. I can make millions and go on exotic vacations. I can save money for my retirement. No more chewing on the other side of my mouth as a form of a dental plan. I can…hey. Shouldn't he be getting hard by now?

 

Hope was doing all the right moves. This guy was not getting wood. J and I exchanged worried looks. What the hell was happening?! All the porn's that I have seen had men with huge erections.   It turns out that this is a condition that is really common in guys. I would say that 98% of men get stage fright. This is one rude awakening for the male ego. Some men bow out gracefully. Some leave in tears, but not this guy.

 

He started blaming her. She was doing her part. He said that she had an attitude. He was embarrassed. I get that. No one wants to fail on camera. O.K. let's take a break I figured. She was really getting nervous and upset at this point. It had been a much longer shoot than I had thought. I was starting to panic at this point. J said he went to film school but all he was getting was wide angle shots.

 

I took over filming. She went down on him again. Maybe, maybe, almost, oh no!  What am I going to do? At this point we had been on the set for four long hours. That was when J suggested that he pop on her face. This is not what I expected but what the hell.

So he drops his pants and is hard in no time. The look on her face was pure shock as he blew a massive load all over her face and hair. Whoa! I said. That was some load. I was happy to have gotten something but I was still physically drained from the whole ordeal.

 

I still can't believe that I paid them both for that nightmare. It was a very painful and expensive lesson. That would not happen in today's world. At the time I just wanted them off the set and that meant that I still had to drive them home. I don't pick up talent anymore.

 

I thought this was going to be easy money. I thought this was the fast track to financial independence. I thought porn would lead the way to working less; that I would get to go to fancy parties. What I didn't know was the hard work was just beginning.

 

To learn more about our Desperate Amateurs, visit:  http://desperateamateurs.com

About the Author

Yariana owns and runs http://www.desperateamateurs.com

The Child Star's curse!

The Child Star's curse!

 

OK, I wanted to write about child-actor's/shows and whatever happened to those kids on those shows?

 

But lets cover the "now" and the big childhood star's;

 

Hanna Montana's the most "popular" child/teenage actor, I believe of all time... She's an award nominated star, her television series debuted on March 24th 2006. She plays a famous, pop-singer, who conceals her real identity from the public. She has her own product's including clothing, jewelery, clothing line and doll's. She's already a millionaire. But I wonder, what will happen for her in the future?

 

Many, many, child stars have fallen by the waste side, since the beginning of the motion picture industry, a lot of child actor's from the Little Rascals gang, died or were killed under mysterious and tragic circumstances.

 

The Little Rascal stars, supposedly were cursed... And it's because of these horrible tragedy's...

 

William "Froggy" Laughlin was killed in a motor bike accident, at the age of 16.

 

Robert "Wheezer" Hutchins perished in a military plane, at the age of 19.

 

Norman "Chubby" Chaney died, at the age of 22.

 

Mickey Daniels a original Little Rascals member, perished a lonely drunk, in 1970. He was so forgotten, it took two decades, to identify his body.

 

Jay R. Smith, who replaced the freckled faced kid, was stabbed to death in 2002.

 

Darwood "Waldo" Kaye the smart kid with glasses, in later life became a Pastor and was run down, in a city cross walk, by a hit and run driver.

 

Carl "Alfalfa" Switzer was fatally stabbed, over a $50 dept.

 

Rumor has it that Robert Blake who played Spanky, between 1929 and 1938 and was recently on trial for the murder of his wife, was found innocent.

 

Buckwheat Thomas, died in 1980, forgotten by the industry.

 

Even Pete the Rascal's 1st dog, was poisoned by an unknown assailant.

 

Hasn't everybody heard of the T.V. Show Saved By the Bell? Right? God, why? It's a cheesy, Saturday morning T.V show...

 

OK, so whatever happened to the stars of, Saved By The Bell?

 

The final episode appeared, on May 22, 1993. It was the episode, were the cast graduated from High School. The show, just like the Little Rascals, is shown in syndication and on weekday mornings, on TBS and local affiliates on Fox, My Network T.V and the CW.

 

Zack Morris; aka Mark Pal Grosselaar; drove his car off a cliff, after marrying his "true love" (Kelly), who was so "devastated", that she winded up becoming the biggest slut on Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place. Let's us hope, that Zack "got some" before he drove off that cliff...

 

Anyway all joking aside, what really happened to Zack Morris, AKA Mark Paul Gosselaar? He really was, one of the most "successful" alumnus of that show. He made a lot of made for T.V. Movies. In 1998 he "starred" in the 1998 mediocre feature film (Dead Man Walking), after that he did a few more T.V. guest appearances. Before he landed a role on NYPD Blue. After that "canceled" he was another recurring character, on the T.V show Commander and Chief.

 

Then there's Jessie Spanno; thing's were worse for "poor little" Elezabeth Berkley. She left the show after the 1st two senior years. But she never really did anything really popular, like Kelly did. Zack and Kelley got married in Vegas; but they never mentioned their "dear friend" Jessie again. Even though Jessie was working in Las Vegas as a "striper". She was "excepted" into a nice college, but decided to change her name and become a Las Vegas striper in (Show-girls) and this movie was by far the "classiest" movie she's been in, since Saved By The Bell.

 

In reality she was "shunned" by Hollywood. After Show-girls in 1995 and was regulated to "minor roles" in "mediocre films" made for T.V or independent films. She was also "addicted" to caffeine pills. Recently she was in an off Broadway production of Hurly Burly. But apparently she's made a lot of Pornos. Hey wasn't she against Porn?

 

A.C Slator; Where abouts unknown. He's disappeared since SBTB and the rumor is; that the whole cast disappeared around the same time? A.C had a "big trauma" after discovering he was Latin, after ( some Latin chick filled his head with B.S.) He probably forgot about his father's "cracker-hood"? Does anyone know what A.C stands for? Well it's not air-conditioning or anal-c*nt. In actuality, his name stands for Alfred Clifford.

 

In reality, he fell victim to the vicious cycle of made for T.V movies and defunct television series. Such as Pacific Blue or numerous shows, on the Animal Planet. A few years ago, he married a super model named Ali Landy, who's best known as the "Doritos chick". The marriage only lasted a month, before she had it annulled, because he cheated on her at the bachelor party, as well as after they were married.

 

Lisa Turtle; she was SBTB's favorite "token" and was a "strange-character". She always pulled off some really "square", white-bred-shit; saying stuff like; "honey I's gonna' kick yo ass." That's a real "turn-on" to some guy's. "Fo sure!" It's to funny, how the show would throw a "black-extra" in every time she was going on a date. And it was also funny, that she played bass with Zack's band the Zack Attack".

They never said what happened to Kelley? Probably because SBTB's audience was made up of 12year old teeny booper chicks, who only cared about Zack, Slator and Screech. Her real name was "Lark Voohries", after SBTB, she dated; "believe it or not", Martin Lawrence. She's also had a guest appearance role, in the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And a secondary role, in the 2001 stoner movie; How High. She fell victim, to the SBTB success curse, after SBTB she became a Jehovah witness.

 

Samuel "Screech" Powers; he was the only one on the show, who acted as if he knew what the hell was going on. He was the only "original" character left in the show, beside Mr. Belding's character. He was a High School stud, for nerdy, High School chicks, with horned-rimmed classes and nerd garb. He might have even gotten "some" from Lisa, when the original SBTB was being made. He was considered a "not-cool" nerd.

 

He might make be in the alternative category now? After he graduated High School for a second time, he was accepted at "Harvard", but some how winded up on SBTB, the college years. After that show went off the air, Screech got a job as Mr. Belding's assistant principle on SBTB; The New Class and that show "totally-sucked". He will probably be working for that guy till he dies?

 

Screech aka Dustin Diamond; the year's, were not kind to Dustin. After SBTB ended, he stayed on SBTB; The New Class and it "sucked". He also dated Candice Cameron. Sites sprang up to harass him for being a homo, because of his role as Screech in 2001. He went on and produced an instructional video; "Dustin Diamond teaches Chess." What? The most notable roles that he has done, were the one's were he played himself in; Celebrity Boxing, Made and Dickie Roberts. Plus there's a rumor, that he was in a 40 minute Porn, that featured him in a 3 way with 2 girl's, one of whom received a dirty Sanchez. He currently works, as a raunchy stand-up comedian.

 

Kelly Kapowski aka Tiffany Amber; she was the "cutest" of the bunch and scored the part of Valerie on Beverly Hills 90210 in 1999. Her boyfriend David Strick, of Suddenly Susan, committed suicide. She directed a short film called Just Pray. Which screened and played at several film festivals. She married actor Brady Smith.

 

Torri Scott aka Leonna Creal; No one gives a "shit" about what happened to her. So nothing is known.

 

Mr Belding aka Dennis Hasking; The mighty fall off first, he gained a lot of weight and became an alcoholic.

 

The SBTB alumni, have not been able to achieve any lasting,longterm, mainstream success. Whatever success they did get, will always be over shadowed by "we were so and so on Saved By The Bell"

 

As for me, I'm still not sure, if childhood success, is a curse of a blessing? For some, it was the doorway to success and it was a blessing. But for others, it was the first fall, into a long-standing spiral to drugs, self-destruction and ultimately and unfortunately led to some stars deaths.

 

Sources; truthorfiction.com, wikipedia.com, www.geocities.com,www.associatedcontent.com, usweekly.com/cowtown, www.tvparty.com/50rascals3.html, Powet.tv/2006/09/28/screech-porn/ and written by Jade Stewart at www.morethenjustreading.blogspot.com

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